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I really hope he changed the sheets. One night we were having sex, and he just stopped in the middle of it. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was just too high and tired.

Being a generous spirit, I offered to give him a blow job instead and he gladly accepted. We stopped seeing each other after that.

He said he really wanted to have sex in a fitting room, so we decided to make that happen. I was so nervous. We spent some time just walking around a J.

Crew at the mall and made up this whole story to the staff about how we were trying to find him an outfit for some special occasion.

I just wanted to unwind and see what I could get into that night. Eventually, this really cute guy and his friends came up to us while we were playing pool and the guy started chatting me up.

I was interested, but he refused to tell me his name, which was a little suspicious. We were making out, and I was ready to go to his place that night to hook up.

But for some reason, he started acting really sketchy. That's when he pulled out a bag of what I think was cocaine, told us he was a dealer, and asked if we wanted to do some.

I seriously dodged a bullet that night. And while my boyfriend was driving on the highway, I unzipped his pants and started to give him a blow job.

All was well and good until he started swerving a bit. I guess he couldn't concentrate. That's when he noticed a cop car trailing behind us. He told me the car was coming next to ours, so I kept my head down, dick still in mouth, until the coast was clear.

When I came up for air, we were both cracking up laughing. There had been plenty of times in the past when she got drunk and started making out with me or whoever was around , and her hubby-to-be never cared.

I stopped because I was entirely confused, and then they told me that I was their top choice to have a threesome with.

And since he wouldn't be around, he wanted me to give him the grand NYC tour. I actually ended up have a great time with the guy, and one night after a few drinks, he came over and we hooked up.

I never talked to him again, but that photo will one day be framed in black and white on my wall. I went over one night while I was kind of sick and had a cough, but I was horny so I didn't care.

He was a doctor, anyway, right? I was certain he'd have some cold meds at has place. After we had sex, I was ready to go to sleep and asked if he had some Robitussin or something.

This man's medicine cabinet was empty, and I was up all night coughing while he was passed TF out. As the trailers started rolling, he started making out with me.

But I actually wanted to watch this movie, so I told him to chill until after. Movie ends and we head back to his car. He drives to a more secluded area in the parking lot.

And obviously things start happening. He fingers me and then I went down on him. We're both about to move on to full-on sex when he screams.

I pop my head up to see a creepy man outside our car in a trench coat. While I'm laughing my head off, my date jumped over me to the driver's seat and shifted the engine from park to drive.

My body flew to the back of the seat—hitting my head hard, tits flailing. It was not good. Needless to say, we did not finish having sex. He was too scared the bad man in the trench coat would return.

He was popular and whatever, but he had a girlfriend. He told me she was awful and treated him badly. I was young, naive, and believed him.

So one night, I was at his apartment in bed together and things had just started heating up when we heard a knock on the door.

It was his girlfriend banging on the bedroom door. She must have had a key, which made me feel even worse. But I had to keep silent for about 10 minutes while he yelled from behind the door that he was not letting her in.

I was mortified. So I got in line and bought one for my walk of shame. We hooked up in the car in front of an abandoned house in my neighborhood and put our fancy clothes back on.

When we walked in the door, my dad was sitting on the couch waiting for us to come home. After recapping the night, he noticed a few white stains on my boyfriend's pants.

He asked what it was, and I quickly said ice cream. I was sweating through my dress as my dad stared my date down before finally saying, 'Well, must have been good.

He started saying stuff about how he wanted to marry me and bring me back to Texas, where he was from, and kept calling me his African queen.

It was weird and annoying. We began talking, and it turned out he was in my area. He asked me to kick it later and get tacos.

We met up and got tacos, but then he started drinking and became visibly drunk. He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and be his baby mama.

When I said no, he said his cum was gold. I've never laughed harder in my life. I left the restaurant after that and he blocked me on IG. They kind of became our thing.

We decided to kick things up a notch one day with a blow job. We knew this would be harder and less easy to achieve, but we managed.

The walk from the back of that bus never felt so long. Naturally, that led to us laying out a bunch of blankets on the roof of his garage and having sex up there under the stars.

It was the middle of the night and we figured no one would be walking by in our small town, so it weirdly satisfied our public-sex kink while also being more private than our bedrooms.

We froze, and he looked around, clearly having heard something, but confused as to where it was coming from. He shrugged and proceeded to take a pee on the side of the garage while we perched, naked, above him.

He then went inside, and we got on with our night. The next day, he informed us that he thought raccoons or some other animals were living in the roof of the garage…and we victoriously informed him that we were the animals.

On one occasion, he was on top of me and my feet were against the dash. I tried to hide in the space between the passenger seat and the dashboard on the floor and attempt to get dressed.

The police made my boyfriend get out and then peeked in to ask if I was in there consensually. She rented a cheap motel room for us.

Police sirens. Still naked, we jump to the window. From our second floor room, we can see two or three police cars streaming into the parking lot.

We watch, frozen, as the cops exit their vehicles and barge in to a first floor room below us. After another hour or so, they all left. We left shortly thereafter.

I figured I just had to be gay. I followed them up with some awkward kind of grunting. Then, after we shared a post-sex kiss.

I told her I was going to go outside and have a smoke. So I go outside and stand there, pretending to inhale, contemplating what life will be like as a gay man.

I eventually shuffle back into my room, and we fall asleep together. The next morning, in the light, I look at the floor and see the condom wrapper.

It was a triple-thick desensitizing lubricated condom for guys with stamina problems. Her brother walked in, she grabbed the blanket to cover herself up and quickly jumped off of me, and for some reason I quickly grabbed my phone and pretended I was texting.

After rolling off, we saw blood everywhere. She sits behind him and holds him all cuddly like the whole hour," Redditor scabbymonkey explained. He told her he used to dred sic this part of the job and was full of anxiety before she started coming.

This guy paid me for two hours of CBT [cock and ball torture] while he watched. I kinda had to assume watching the debates was somehow part of his kink at that point, because nobody is that politically engaged," cardboardcrackwhore said.

I ground a sponge cake into this guys face with my ass while pouring custard on his dick and jerking him off, before doing bodyslides with custard all over us," marsbareater12 said.

Another user, Stop-Staring-Stupid , could relate. United States. Type keyword s to search.

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We knew this would be harder and less easy to achieve, but we managed. The walk from the back of that bus never felt so long. Naturally, that led to us laying out a bunch of blankets on the roof of his garage and having sex up there under the stars.

It was the middle of the night and we figured no one would be walking by in our small town, so it weirdly satisfied our public-sex kink while also being more private than our bedrooms.

We froze, and he looked around, clearly having heard something, but confused as to where it was coming from. He shrugged and proceeded to take a pee on the side of the garage while we perched, naked, above him.

He then went inside, and we got on with our night. The next day, he informed us that he thought raccoons or some other animals were living in the roof of the garage…and we victoriously informed him that we were the animals.

On one occasion, he was on top of me and my feet were against the dash. I tried to hide in the space between the passenger seat and the dashboard on the floor and attempt to get dressed.

The police made my boyfriend get out and then peeked in to ask if I was in there consensually. They also wanted to take a look at my ID to check my age.

But it was a small town and I knew the officer. The process led to a lot of pre-cum, and once while we were doing this, he wiped it off and rubbed it on my I named a few, and she asked if I was a fan of one well-known comedian.

I said I liked what I had seen of his material, and she told me she knew him personally. She had sent him screenshots of my profile and told him we were meeting up; he had bought her lingerie for the occasion.

She wanted to head back to my place nearby to have sex and send him photos of the two of us. In disbelief that this was happening, I declined and the date ended shortly after.

The whole experience was surreal, and I was very close to being spank-bank material for a very famous and married celebrity.

One night while I was out my friends, I met this cute guy who said he was staying just a few blocks down. He came over later that night.

But we couldn't hook up in our dorm because I had five other roommates. Instead, we went to the dorm lounge and had sex.

And it was all well and good until the RA found us. We were both fined and had to have several sessions with the RA afterward.

My roommates all thought it was hilarious. We went driving all around my town, looking for a dark place to get down and dirty.

We were on a dark residential street when one of a house's porch lights turned on and someone looked out the window.

We froze scared, trying to make the car stop shaking until the porch lights went back off. But when things started heated up, he pulled out his dentures.

He went from 30 to 80 in a matter of seconds and the sex appeal just completely wore off. When it came time to get busy, he unzipped his pants but gave an entire pre-sex speech before revealing his penis to me.

And when he moved his hand, I looked down and saw a dick shaped like a candy cane. I was so overwhelmed, I think I just froze.

He had to give me a tutorial on how to handle his dick. I was laughing for hours after I left. We had an amazing time, until I woke up the next morning and not only was he gone, so was everything in my wallet.

This man took all of my cash. And a few items were missing off my dresser too. We didn't exchange numbers and I never saw him again. And just when things were getting good, we noticed someone was coming out of the water from fishing and headed our way.

We both ducked down in the backseat and waited for this man to walk by with his fishing rod, hoping that he didn't look in my completely clear windows to see two naked teens.

It was the longest two minutes of my life. I walked into the room and they were already in bed. I hopped in my bed and turned out the light.

And just when they thought I fell asleep, they started having sex. I could hear the moaning. So I started making a few moaning noises of my own and pretended to be in the middle of a horrible nightmare until I was certain I had killed the mood.

So one night we decided to have sex in the living room while my mom and aunt were in the kitchen prepping dinner.

While my mom shouted out questions like,'What sides do you want? It's still some of the hottest sex I've ever had.

I mean, everyone liked him. But one day, he invited me back to his place to hook up. When I got there, he told me that I had to climb through this boarded-up house to get to his room.

Years later, I realized he was squatting and I was committing a felony. Young love, amirite? We were so unprepared.

We were both stressed trying to get it in before his mom came home. Eventually, we figured it out. But we spent the next few hours afterward laughing about the game of search-and-find we'd just finished playing.

I was in the bathroom when I heard loud noises coming from my bedroom. I came outside to find a man had climbed in through my window and was stealing my jewelry.

He told me not to scream. So I didn't and instead ran straight for the front door and into my next-door neighbors' house, who always left their door open.

I locked the door behind me and finally caught my breath. When I turned around, I saw my two neighbors in the middle of having sex, just stark naked in their living room.

We immediately all burst into laughter. It almost looked like he ironed them. And my shoes were in a straight line next to his. I was pretty sure in that moment that he was either a serial killer or the kind of clean that I would never live up to.

Either way, I knew I needed to end it. He was in the middle of eating me out when my mom flicked on the lights, screamed for us to put on our clothes, and then rushed to drive my boyfriend home.

That was the most silent car ride I've ever experienced. One night, she came home with a guy she'd met at a bar.

I was sleeping in bed when I heard them whispering. Next thing I know, both of them had crawled into bed naked and started to have sex.

I sat up immediately, turned on the lights, and made them both get out. I don't know what came over her. He didn't have a car.

But every time he came over, after we'd have sex, he'd ask to borrow my car and bring it back the next time. It ended up getting out of hand with over people showing up.

Since it was her first time, she bled everywhere. Feeling embarrassed, she tried to clean it up with a bottle of spray bleach she found in my bathroom.

She ended up bleaching my carpet and bed sheets. She passed out covered in her own blood and bleach. She rented a cheap motel room for us.

Police sirens. Still naked, we jump to the window. From our second floor room, we can see two or three police cars streaming into the parking lot.

We watch, frozen, as the cops exit their vehicles and barge in to a first floor room below us. After another hour or so, they all left.

We left shortly thereafter. I figured I just had to be gay. I followed them up with some awkward kind of grunting. Then, after we shared a post-sex kiss.

I told her I was going to go outside and have a smoke. So I go outside and stand there, pretending to inhale, contemplating what life will be like as a gay man.

She is a professional cuddler She sits behind him and holds him all cuddly like the whole hour," Redditor scabbymonkey explained. He told her he used to dred sic this part of the job and was full of anxiety before she started coming.

This guy paid me for two hours of CBT [cock and ball torture] while he watched. I kinda had to assume watching the debates was somehow part of his kink at that point, because nobody is that politically engaged," cardboardcrackwhore said.

I ground a sponge cake into this guys face with my ass while pouring custard on his dick and jerking him off, before doing bodyslides with custard all over us," marsbareater12 said.

Another user, Stop-Staring-Stupid , could relate. United States.

Funny Sex Stories Reddit -

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Funny Sex Stories Reddit

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